Her name was New York, New York... (by Joeyful~)
– Jeff Buckley
hmm… not really. but i think you can discern whether or not a certain kind of love is good for you. and if it’s not, you can definitely move on.
idk, i’m sorry. i fight with my mom a lot too. i usually try to just breathe and stay calm and if possible, remove myself from those kind of situations/conversations asap. and then when the angry feelings have passed, at a different time, i try to bring it up with my mother. but generally it doesn’t work either. mine also makes a lot of comments about my weight and in general everything. honestly. i can’t stop feeling like a huge-ass disappointment.
and it’s frustrating, but i’m older now and i have the means to be independent and at the soonest, i’m leaving and moving to an environment where i don’t have to feel this way anymore. it’s not that i hate my mother, it’s just that we do need some level of separation and space so that we can work on our own feelings/temper. and try to view each other through the eyes of fondness rather than contempt.
just remember that your mom probably doesn’t mean to hurt or “abuse” you. i think mothers bear the biggest brunt of life, because they have a really thankless job. so many of them are bound to their homes, and it can become very frustrating. the ones that work are often put under more stress. as much as it sucks, many of the household responsibilities rest on the mother in the end. women also get much more crazy and hormonal as they grow older and towards menopause.
i think your accusations of her are merely what you view her as, and not an accurate representation of who she really is. everything she says/does probably comes from the right place and is said out of love and concern. it’s unfortunate that so many times mothers have so much misguided feelings that they take it out on their children in unpleasant ways. it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. no one taught her how to be a mother. she didn’t get a guidebook or a secret recipe. she’s winging it as she goes, and sometimes she’ll fuck up. royally. but her protective instinct, and her desire and need to raise you to be a certain way will never fade. it just becomes very stifling when you yourself start getting older and more adult-ish and feel like you should have much more agency and freedom. unfortunately, unless you live away from her and are independent in all ways, that’ll never happen.
the best advice i can give you is just to suck it up and wait till you can leave. don’t ruin your r’ship with her - bc someday there’s a possibility/likelihood that you’ll become a parent and have no idea what to do. and feel a lot of frustration towards your children… it’ll make you feel guilty, too bc you’re supposed to love them unconditionally but why don’t you?
it’s complicated. being a mother is tough shit. i know it really sucks for you right now.
but most of your pain will be repaired at some point in life. things pass, feelings fade. hang in there.